婚禮上的哪一刻讓你覺(jué)得“這一對(duì)兒久不了”？

JoshDCannis
Sorry for the length, but it's worth the read, trust me.

抱歉寫(xiě)了這么長(zhǎng)，但是值得讀完，相信我。

My mother had a friend who lived on the next street over, and her kids were about the same ages as my siblings and I. Our mothers met in the hospital while giving birth, and bonded over the experience, so of course the two pools of kids played together when we were little. Even back then, we noticed that they were quite poor.

我媽媽有個(gè)朋友住在旁邊那條街，她家的孩子和我家兄弟姐妹差不多大。我們兩家的媽媽是在生產(chǎn)的時(shí)候相遇的，因?yàn)檫@段經(jīng)歷而產(chǎn)生了交集，所以我們還小的時(shí)候兩家孩子經(jīng)常在一起玩。就在那時(shí)，我們已經(jīng)發(fā)現(xiàn)了他們家挺窮的。

Fast forward to my early 20s. My Mom and I are running a photography business, and weddings are a big part of our business. My Mom calls me up out of the blue and asks me if I will be in the wedding party that summer for T, who is one of the kids from her friend's family, the one that's my age. I haven't seen this guy in 10 years, so of course I say no, because I have no business being in his wedding party. She begs me, out and out begs me, because he literally has no friends. I give in and do it. She makes the wedding photos our gift to them, and it's decided.

快進(jìn)到我20歲出頭的時(shí)候，我和我媽一起做寫(xiě)真生意，婚禮是生意的大部頭。我媽媽有一天突然給我打電話，問(wèn)我要不要在那年夏天參加T的婚禮，T是她那個(gè)朋友家的一個(gè)孩子，和我同歲。我已經(jīng)有10年沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)這孩子了，所以我說(shuō)了不去，因?yàn)槲腋麤](méi)什么關(guān)系，沒(méi)必要摻和他的婚禮。她再三懇求，說(shuō)因?yàn)樗麑?shí)在沒(méi)有朋友。我放棄了，接受了請(qǐng)求。她把婚紗照當(dāng)做我們送他們的禮物，并且婚禮已經(jīng)決定了。

It's hillbilly wedding time. His teeth are rotten, even though he's in his early 20s, his bride is a controlling behemoth, and they don't have two red pennies to rub together. I put up with all the fittings and planning, and actually help them quite a bit with their limited finances because of all the connections we have in the industry.

婚禮也挺窮的。他的牙都爛了，盡管他剛二十歲出頭，而他的妻子是一個(gè)控制欲極強(qiáng)的人，窮得兩吊錢(qián)都摳不出來(lái)。我?guī)兔ψ隽怂械挠?jì)劃準(zhǔn)備工作，并且在他們有限的預(yù)算下給了他們一點(diǎn)幫助，因?yàn)槲覀冊(cè)跇I(yè)內(nèi)有不少人脈。

Which brings us to wedding day.

最終到了婚禮的這一天。

Everything went fine in the church, but when we got to the dinner, the bride decided out of the blue that she wanted a white limo to pick them up from the dinner and take them to stay at the Hilton downtown. Of course, any limos have been pre-booked for a year, and the Hilton is booked solid with a convention, but the best man (the older brother of the groom) is trying to make it happen ... with his credit card, because he's broke, too. She figures out eventually it's not going to happen, loses it, and rips her veil and headpiece off with a bunch of her hair. She goes into the back where all the catering is and starts screaming. Her groom goes in after her, and we can hear them fighting.

教堂里一切都還不錯(cuò)，但我們到晚宴的時(shí)候，新娘突然沒(méi)來(lái)由地說(shuō)她想要一輛白色豪車載著他們從晚宴現(xiàn)場(chǎng)去城里的希爾頓酒店。當(dāng)然，所有的豪車都是提前一年預(yù)定的，希爾頓更是只能預(yù)定，但伴郎（新浪的哥哥）還是盡量實(shí)現(xiàn)她的愿望，但他也只能用自己的信用卡，因?yàn)樗财飘a(chǎn)了。她在意識(shí)到這件事不可能發(fā)生之后，就徹底發(fā)火了，把面紗和頭巾帶著一把頭發(fā)扯了下來(lái)。她沖進(jìn)了負(fù)責(zé)餐飲的后臺(tái)并開(kāi)始尖叫。她的新郎跟在她后頭跑了進(jìn)去，我們能聽(tīng)見(jiàn)他們?cè)诶锩鏍?zhēng)執(zhí)。

All of a sudden there's this god awful shriek, and the groom comes out of the back room, slamming the double doors open with his shoulder. The cake knife is all the way through his hand, and there's blood leaking everywhere. His bride comes out hot on his heels and tackles him, ripping the knife out (oh, that fucking sound!). She's about to stab him again and the best man and I hit her high and low. You'd think two grown men could corral this demon from the pits of hell, but nope. The groom gets up and bolts out to the parking lot, and she eventually wriggles out from under us and goes after him. He's driving by in the car, trying to get the fuck out of there, when she leaps onto the hood and hangs onto the wipers, like she's in some movie. He bottoms out the car leaving the lot, and swings hard left, and she flings off the car and ends up smoking the curb with her back, so she ends up lying there, bawling.

忽然傳出一聲凄厲的慘叫，新郎用肩膀把對(duì)開(kāi)門(mén)撞開(kāi)，從后臺(tái)沖了出來(lái)。一柄切蛋糕的刀把他的手捅了個(gè)對(duì)穿，血到處都是。他的新娘一腳把他絆倒在地上，把他手上的刀拔出來(lái)（我草，那個(gè)聲音?。。?。她馬上就要再捅一刀下去，我和伴郎一高一低給了她兩下。你肯定覺(jué)得兩個(gè)大男人能夠控制住這個(gè)來(lái)自深淵的惡魔，但并非如此。新郎站了起來(lái)，飛速?zèng)_刺到停車場(chǎng)，她也擺脫了我們兩個(gè)的控制追著新郎跑。新郎開(kāi)著車打算逃離這個(gè)地方，新娘跳到車頂拽著雨刷，好像在演電影一樣。新郎倒車開(kāi)出停車場(chǎng)，然后猛往左打舵，她就被從車上甩了下去，仰面朝天摔在了路邊。于是她就躺在那里，大聲地嚎哭。

Turns out she decided her wedding day was the day she was going to quit taking her psych meds, because she didn't want to be 'foggy' for the ceremony. Mom and I packed up our gear and left, because it was clearly done.

結(jié)果她是決定讓婚禮這一天成為她不吃心理治療藥物的第一天，因?yàn)樗幌朐诨槎Y這天“陰郁”。我媽和我收拾好自己的東西就走了，因?yàn)楹茱@然一切都結(jié)束了。

WanderingRaindog
My wife’s brother just got married this past May. Bride’s mother is a big DIY person and went a little nuts with extra flowers, table pieces, decorations, etc… Note I said extra, it was already decorated by the venue, she just took it upon herself to buy and add way more stuff.

我妻子的兄弟今年五月份剛結(jié)婚。新娘的母親很喜歡DIY，所以就做了額外的一些花籃，桌面裝飾和其他的裝飾品。我說(shuō)的是額外的，因?yàn)閳?chǎng)地已經(jīng)做了這些裝飾，她只是把這活攬到了自己身上，買(mǎi)了一大堆東西往上放。

Anyway, a few weeks ago she sends my MIL (grooms mom) and email with receipts of all the extra stuff she bought ($7,000 worth!!! ) and asked that she pay half since it was technically set up in time for the rehearsal dinner for guests to enjoy. It’s causing a huge rift between the newlyweds since the bride is taking her moms side.

反正前幾周她給我岳母（新郎的母親）發(fā)了一封電郵，里面是她買(mǎi)的所有那些東西的收據(jù)（總價(jià)值7000美元！）讓她付一半的錢(qián)，因?yàn)槟切〇|西都是排練晚餐的時(shí)候給賓客們享受的。這讓新婚夫婦產(chǎn)生了巨大的分歧，因?yàn)樾履镎舅龐寢屵@一邊。

ThomasWald
Gosh - help, when unasked for, can be the absolute worst!

天哪——不請(qǐng)自來(lái)的幫助，可以是最糟糕的！

sharplescorner
My wife got invited to a client's daughter's wedding. The couple were both drama students. Many of the bridal party were drama students. The maid-of-honour's toast consisted of tearful declarations of unrequited love to the groom, along the lines of 'if it couldn't be me, I'm glad it's my best friend that's marrying you'. The best-man's speech was a lusty declaration of 'if it doesn't work out, call me, babe... like the previous time you called me.' Other toasts were similarly weird. A guy at the table I was seated at was a friend of the bride and said to me that he was 'this close' to standing up during the 'speak now or forever hold your peace' thing. I'm still not sure if the whole thing was a bunch of emotionally fucked-up 20-year-olds, or one big piece of performance art.

我老婆受邀參加了她的一個(gè)客戶的女兒的婚禮。新人都是戲劇專業(yè)的學(xué)生。很多婚禮上的賓客也都是戲劇專業(yè)的學(xué)生。伴娘的致辭是滿含熱淚的對(duì)新郎的愛(ài)，還有“假如最終不是我，我很欣慰嫁給你的是我最好的朋友”。伴郎的演講是辭藻華麗的“假如你倆不行的話，就給我打電話吧寶貝兒……像你上次給我打的那樣?！逼渌罗o也同樣詭異。我坐的那一桌有個(gè)人是新娘的朋友，他對(duì)我說(shuō)在“如果還有誰(shuí)對(duì)這段感情有異議，要么現(xiàn)在說(shuō)出來(lái)，要么永遠(yuǎn)安靜”那段話的時(shí)候他離站起來(lái)就差“這么一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)”。我現(xiàn)在也搞不懂整個(gè)婚禮到底是一群情感上爛透了的20歲小孩的聚會(huì)，還是一場(chǎng)大規(guī)模的表演藝術(shù)。（譯注：上面那段話是經(jīng)典的婚禮現(xiàn)場(chǎng)第三者站出來(lái)自白的戲碼）

MightyMeerkat97
I did my undergraduate degree in Literature and there was a lot of overlap with the Drama students. None of this surprises me in the least. They were always bragging about how 'incestuous'* they were.

我本科學(xué)的是文學(xué)，有不少和學(xué)戲劇的人的交集。我看了這些一點(diǎn)都不覺(jué)得驚訝。他們總是在吹噓他們有多【排外】。

*By which they meant they all slept with each other.

【意思是他們彼此都互相睡過(guò)?！?/b>