你的瘋狂鄰居做過什么稱得上“瘋狂鄰居”的事?
What does your crazy neighbour do to be labelled "the crazy neighbour"?譯文簡介
有這樣的鄰居,想一想也挺可怕的。
正文翻譯
What does your crazy neighbour do to be labelled "the crazy neighbour"?
你的瘋狂鄰居做過什么稱得上“瘋狂鄰居”的事?
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She dug up my fancy flowers and replanted them in her own yard, 15 feet away.
她把我養(yǎng)得好好的花挖了出來,重新種在了她家的院兒里,就15英尺遠(yuǎn)。
Had a neighbour who wouldn’t let anyone use his driveway because he didn’t want it to get dirty. Anyone including himself. He parked on the street outside. If he thought you were having a party he would drag a bunch of plastic bags full of god knows what to the end of his driveway so no one could turn around it. One time I came home and he was outside hosing it down in the rain.
我有個(gè)鄰居不允許任何人用他家院里的車道,因?yàn)樗幌胱屲嚨雷兣K。包括他自己。他會(huì)把車停到外面的街上。假如他覺得你在開派對,他會(huì)拖一堆鬼知道裝了什么東西的塑料袋攔住他家車道的一頭,沒人搬得動(dòng)。有一次我回家,看見他在冒著雨拿水龍頭沖車道。
多虧了他,我這輩子都沒見過比他家更干凈的車道。
Our neighbour would leaf blow during a windstorm. It wasn’t autumn so there weren’t any leaves on the ground, just some other debris.
我家的鄰居會(huì)在刮大風(fēng)的時(shí)候吹葉子。當(dāng)時(shí)甚至不是秋天,地上也沒有任何葉子,只有一點(diǎn)別的臟東西而已。
I have a neighbor who I have seen watering his grass during rainstorms on multiple occasions.
我有個(gè)鄰居,我好幾次看見他在下暴風(fēng)雨的時(shí)候站在外面給草坪澆水。
sometimes you just want to feel alive you know
有時(shí)你只是想感到自己仍然活著,你知道吧
I had a neighbor who would sneak into my yard at night and roll up my sod. It would be laid perfectly the night before, but I'd get up in the morning and it would be rolled up just like it was when it came from the store.
我有個(gè)鄰居,他會(huì)晚上偷偷跑到我的院子里把我的草坪卷起來。就算前一天晚上我把它鋪的平平整整,第二天早上草坪還是會(huì)卷成和剛從商店買回來的時(shí)候一樣。
我終于受不了了,躺在后門前,拿著棒球棍和手電筒躺了一整晚,準(zhǔn)備把干這件事的人打出屎來。他們凌晨兩點(diǎn)果然來了,我站起來,把手電筒打開,結(jié)果和四只浣熊面面相覷,它們正卷起我的草坪找蟲子吃。
My neighbor sits in his yard, hides behind his plants and meows at people who pass by. He is not dangerous at all but he is not right in the head either. His caretakers are his parents and they seem to be very nice people. His dad once told me "he just likes to be a cat" and left it at that. I didn't ask any more questions.
我家鄰居會(huì)坐在他家的院子里,藏在植被后面,對路過的人喵喵叫。他一點(diǎn)也不危險(xiǎn),但他腦子也不是很正常。他的看護(hù)人是他父母,他們看起來是很溫和的人。他爸爸有一天對我說“他只是想當(dāng)一只貓而已”然后就沒再多說。我也沒再多問。
I would also like to be a cat so I see no issue with this.
我也想當(dāng)一只貓,所以我不覺得這有什么問題。
It’s all fun and games until he poops in the sandbox
你以為他在鬧著玩,直到他開始在貓砂盆里拉屎。
It sounds like your neighbors just have a cat that you’re hallucinating is a human
聽起來像是你家鄰居養(yǎng)了只貓,被你幻視成了人類。
Another comment: There's a dude who lives down the road who's convinced our cat is our human son. He seems harmless but he's not right in the head.
另一條評論:路那頭有個(gè)哥們相信我家的貓是我的人類兒子。他看起來不太危險(xiǎn),但他腦袋里也不大對勁。
Everybody wants to be a cat.
每個(gè)人都想變成一只小貓咪。
She has a penchant for going around sticking nails in people's tires at night. This has happened dozens of times to nearly everyone on the street, though she's slowed down since more people started installing video cams and motion-sensor lights in their driveways.
她有一種晚上出門到處往人們的車胎里釘釘子的癮。街上幾乎每一戶都經(jīng)歷過好幾次,盡管隨著越來越多的人開始在他們家的車道上安裝攝像頭和運(yùn)動(dòng)感應(yīng)燈之后,她就沒有以前那么猖狂了。
Years ago we had a guy in our neighborhood like this... He stopped hitting our house when my crazy ass mother came flying out the house around 3am with her baseball bat.
幾年前我們社區(qū)里也有個(gè)這樣的人……他最后一次來我家的時(shí)候,我媽凌晨三點(diǎn)拎著棒球棍從家里飛了出去,他就再也沒來過。
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Her reasoning? If she's capable of it.
她有什么理由嗎?假如她有這個(gè)能力的話
She's just one of those misanthropic people who gets a kick out of others' misfortune. She's done it for almost 20 years, apparently; her favorite night to do it is Sunday, when she also goes picking through people's recycling on the curb for cans and bottles. The lucky people find the nails and screws before they go out driving, but others have had their tires pop on the expressway.
她只是那種從別人的不幸中尋找快樂的反人類分子而已。顯然她已經(jīng)這么干了快二十年了;她最喜歡在周日做,她可以順便去別人家的垃圾桶里翻瓶瓶罐罐。幸運(yùn)一些的人會(huì)在他們把車開出去之前發(fā)現(xiàn)輪胎里的釘子和螺絲,但別人就可能要在高速路上爆胎了。
He eats my flowers.
他吃我種的花。
替他說兩句,他在我們剛買房子不久,來我們家自我介紹的時(shí)候就跟我們說過這件事,說他已經(jīng)吃了好幾年的花了。他還給我們帶了一塑料袋的凍餅干作為禮物,但不太確定里面是什么。我們用同一片側(cè)花園,在他跟我們聊天的時(shí)候,我發(fā)現(xiàn)他家的全磚房其實(shí)是毛氈瓦,一層一層疊起來讓它看上去像磚。這讓我們意識(shí)到他可能多少有點(diǎn)不正常。
他是個(gè)很棒的鄰居。只不過是個(gè)稍微老一點(diǎn),有點(diǎn)怪的癮君子,會(huì)過來吃我的花。也不覺得哪里羞恥。走到我家的院子里,把百合花生著吃掉,或者帶著剪刀過來把花剪掉“煮了做醬”。我覺得挺瘋狂的,但我們已經(jīng)接受了。我三年前剛搬進(jìn)來的時(shí)候,在我們兩家共享的那片側(cè)花園種了幾株覆盆子、黑莓和藍(lán)莓。還有幾株玫瑰。我跟他說那些果子和玫瑰他可以隨便摘,尤其別讓鳥們搶先了。那些灌木全都在瘋長,我家房子的整個(gè)一側(cè)都成為了鄰居一年一度的大餐。跟一個(gè)共享產(chǎn)權(quán)邊界的瘋老頭兒處得來,付出幾株花的代價(jià)也值得。
Your neighbor might be part goat
你鄰居可能有一部分是山羊
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You are a good neighbor, and a smart person who knows the difference between mostly harmless eccentricity and outright madness.
你是個(gè)很好的鄰居,也是一個(gè)足夠聰明的人,能區(qū)分出基本無害的怪異和顯而易見的瘋狂。
假如我也有個(gè)房子(我沒有)并且我知道自己有點(diǎn)瘋(我不覺得我現(xiàn)在有),我會(huì)希望有你這種人當(dāng)我的鄰居的。
We had the opposite neighbor. One that we caught poisoning our trees, including the 5 fruit trees in our backyard that we eat from. We put cameras up and told him if we caught him doing it again, we'd call the cops. He stopped even making eye contact with us after that.
我們的鄰居與之正好相反。我們發(fā)現(xiàn)他在給我們家的樹下毒,包括我們種了吃果子的五株果樹。我們安裝了攝像頭,跟他說假如他再被我們發(fā)現(xiàn)做這種事,我們就要報(bào)警了。他此后甚至跟我們連眼神接觸都不敢。
他成功地把三株果樹殺死了,我們又種了回去。然后剩下的那兩株幸存下來的是我這輩子見過的最大的檸檬樹和橘子樹,并且他們結(jié)出來的檸檬和橘子也大的嚇人。那些橘子比柚子都大!我很喜歡,那就像是特地給鄰居看的巨大的“CNM”。他這么做是因?yàn)樗幌矚g樹。他連看見樹都覺得討厭。
我倒希望擁有一個(gè)樓主那樣的鄰居。那哥們絕對喜歡植物!
I can't even imagine what has to happen in someone's life to make a person that hates trees. That may be the wildest idea I've heard in a long time.
我甚至不能想象一個(gè)人到底是經(jīng)歷了什么才會(huì)讓他討厭樹。這可能是我很長一段時(shí)間聽見的最野的想法。
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We had one a while back that had a meth lab in the home. Crazy fights, yelling at all hours of the night,, dude would wander around the hood tweaked out crazy, and once he threw a Molotov cocktail out of the 2nd floor window at another dude who was smashing up his car, screaming, "I'll fucking kill you, motherfucker!" Those were interesting times.
我們前一陣子有過一個(gè)鄰居在家里搞了個(gè)毒品作坊。瘋狂的打斗,一晚上都在喊,那哥們會(huì)瘋了一樣在社區(qū)里到處亂逛,有一次甚至從二樓窗戶往一個(gè)正在砸他的車的人身上扔莫洛托夫雞尾酒,一邊扔一邊喊,“我他媽要干死你,傻逼!”那段時(shí)間挺有意思的。
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Pulled us over pretending to be a police officer, saying that we had somehow broken the law whilst pulling out of our driveway and that she was “going to call it in.”
假裝她是警察,讓我們靠邊停車,跟我們說我們在從自己家車道把車開出去的時(shí)候違反了某項(xiàng)法律,說她要“讓他們過來”。
她根本不是個(gè)警察哈哈哈
編輯:我考慮過用行車記錄儀作為證據(jù)真的讓他們過來,但我們那時(shí)剛搬進(jìn)來,也不敢說她是不是那種會(huì)把我家房子燒了或者給我家狗下毒的瘋子。在和其他鄰居談過之后,我們才知道她只是那種在一個(gè)沒有業(yè)主協(xié)會(huì)的社區(qū)里“想要成為業(yè)主協(xié)會(huì)主席”的人。所以,基本沒什么害處,只是夠煩人。
This reminded me of this crazy woman in my old neighbourhood who used to pretend she was a cop all the time. First encountered her screaming at the post office staff because she’d arrived past the pickup time and they couldn’t guarantee her letter would be in tomorrow. She was there almost an hour just pitching a fit while they opened the other counters around her. “Do you know who I am?!” And all that stuff.
這讓我想起我以前住的那個(gè)社區(qū)里的瘋女人,她一年到頭都喜歡假裝自己是個(gè)警察。第一次遇見她的時(shí)候她在沖郵局的工作人員大喊,因?yàn)樗^了取件時(shí)間才來,他們沒辦法保證明天她還能拿到信。她在那發(fā)了將近一個(gè)鐘頭的脾氣,工作人員只好開放她旁邊的那些柜臺(tái)。“你知道我是誰嗎?!”之類的。
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我第二次遇見她的時(shí)候,她在公交車上把一個(gè)可憐的孩子擠到了角落,并且跟孩子說她要逮捕那個(gè)孩子,因?yàn)樗莻€(gè)警官,并且她不喜歡那個(gè)孩子吃薯片還是什么東西的樣子。簡直是在罵人。我走了過去,禮貌地問那個(gè)孩子認(rèn)不認(rèn)識(shí)這個(gè)瘋子,然后她后退了。
但我猜她看見我在我那站下車了,因?yàn)榈诙煸绯课倚褋戆l(fā)現(xiàn)我家的花園被弄得亂七八糟。真的是個(gè)怪人。
I used to live in a HOA. One of the members on the board lived across the street from my neighbor and I. He sent a letter to us saying that we all have to mow the lawn on the same day, at the same cut height, and in the SAME PATTERN to create uniformity in the neighborhood. My neighbor and I intentionally cut on different days and in opposite patterns just to annoy the guy.
我以前住在一個(gè)業(yè)主協(xié)會(huì)社區(qū)里。有個(gè)協(xié)會(huì)成員住在我和鄰居家對面。他給我們送了封信,說我們都應(yīng)該在同一天把草坪修剪成同一個(gè)高度和同一個(gè)圖案,好為社區(qū)制造統(tǒng)一的氛圍。我跟我鄰居故意在不同的日子把草坪修剪成了不同的樣式,就是為了惹他生氣。
At my last place I had a neighbor that would re-mow my lawn if my lines weren't straight enough or if I missed a spot. Never found out who it was but that was an incredibly fun summer. Only happened that year too.
在我之前住的地方有個(gè)鄰居,假如我沒把草坪修剪齊,或者有個(gè)地方忘記修剪的話,他會(huì)給我把草坪重新修剪一邊。一直都沒發(fā)現(xiàn)是誰干的,但那是個(gè)非常有趣的夏天。并且也只有那一年。
I tried that. The unknown mower didn't touch my yard if I didn't mow it. It had to be a bad looking or non traditional mow job.
我試過。假如我根本不修剪的話,那個(gè)不認(rèn)識(shí)的人就根本不會(huì)碰我的草坪。我得要么把草坪剪得很爛,要么不傳統(tǒng)。
本該是直線,卻剪成了圓圈?趁我不在家重剪了。
每條線都沿著一個(gè)方向?趁我不在家重剪了。
水平/垂直/對角線混著剪?趁我不在家重剪了。
兩星期不剪?無事發(fā)生。
That's when you just mow only a tic tac toe board and put in an x in one spot.
所以你是時(shí)候修剪出一個(gè)五子棋棋盤然后在上面畫個(gè)X了。
Took my parents to court because he lost in our HOA Chairman election. Some people just have too much free time.
把我父母告上法庭,因?yàn)樗跇I(yè)主協(xié)會(huì)主席選舉上輸了。有些人實(shí)在是閑工夫太多了。
編輯:在他敗訴之后他還讓我們付他的法律費(fèi)用,要了兩次。
This woman lived next to us who needed to have the police called on her at least once a week.
住在我們家旁邊的那個(gè)女人每周都得至少把警察招到他家里去一次。
她會(huì)對她的室友吼一整晚,喝得大醉,有時(shí)候還磕了點(diǎn)藥,在我們坐在自己家后院的時(shí)候走出來對我們吼。
我不止一次不得不把她踢出我們家房子,因?yàn)樗唇?jīng)事先聲明就走進(jìn)我們家房子里,手里攥著啤酒,喝得大醉。
有一次我報(bào)了警,因?yàn)樗贿呍谧约杭议T口滾來滾去一邊大吼著說要?dú)⑷恕?/b>
還有一次我上班的時(shí)候我接到了個(gè)電話,女朋友告訴我他們得從房子里疏散出來,因?yàn)猷従蛹业能噹熘鹆?。結(jié)果要么是那個(gè)女的,要么是她舍友,在車庫里吸毒或者吸煙的時(shí)候弄的。
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她最后搬走了,但仍然會(huì)走到我們家管我們要除草機(jī)。我告訴她滾出我的草坪的時(shí)候她不太高興。
My sister’s neighbour reported my sister to the police because her kids were playing in my sister’s garden. Not for the usual reasons, too much noise etc. Nope, because a volcano in Italy had erupted and the radiation would hurt them. My sister lives in the U.K.
我姐姐的鄰居把我姐姐報(bào)告給警察了,因?yàn)樗业暮⒆釉谖医憬慵业幕▓@里玩。倒不是為了平常的原因,比如太鬧了之類的。不是,而是因?yàn)橐獯罄幸蛔鹕絿姲l(fā)了,輻射會(huì)傷到他們。我姐姐住在英國。
They adults in the family let their small (but surprisingly agressive) dog out unleashed and without a muzzle - we live right next to a very busy road and public sidewalk and the dog will often chase children and bark at other dogs, cars, people. Its a mess and they ignore any reasoning.
那家的大人讓他們家的?。ǖ粜詮?qiáng)得出奇)狗不栓繩子不戴嘴套——我們就住在一條非常繁忙的馬路和公用人行道的旁邊,那只狗經(jīng)常會(huì)追逐孩童,對其他狗,車子,人大叫。經(jīng)常亂七八糟的,并且跟他們講道理他們也不聽。
最搞笑的是他們家的孩子們永遠(yuǎn)都會(huì)拴著狗出來,并且假如狗追別人的話他們一定會(huì)道歉。
Before I moved out of my parents' place, the neighbor on the other side of the backyard fence was always doing crazy shit. He'd be practicing shooting his BB gun down his yard, at the fence, while my dad was doing yard work just on the other side of it, or in the middle of the yard, or just minding his own business, really. My dad and I got absolutely pissed one time because our neighbor decided to try practicing with a .22 rifle while my dad was outside with our German Shepherd.
在我搬出父母家之前,后院柵欄另一頭的鄰居永遠(yuǎn)都在做一些瘋狂的事情。他會(huì)在我爸爸在柵欄旁邊或者院子中間打理后院或是做自己的事情的時(shí)候,在柵欄另一頭的院子里練習(xí)射擊BB槍,瞄著柵欄。我爸爸和我有一次實(shí)在氣得不行,因?yàn)樵谖野衷谠鹤永飵覀兗业牡聡裂蛉娴臅r(shí)候,那個(gè)鄰居決定練習(xí)射擊他的.22步槍。
有兩次那個(gè)鄰居用捕獵夾子把兩只臭鼬(分別在不同的兩次)夾住了,自己把它們給殺了,然后把尸體扔到柵欄對面把我們家的整個(gè)后院熏臭,后來熏臭了整個(gè)社區(qū);然后他打算告訴鄰居們是我家長干的。
我爸爸直接把臟東西清理掉了,妥善地扔掉了臭鼬的尸體,然后在那個(gè)瘋子之前把真相告訴了鄰居們。我們的其他鄰居們早就覺得那個(gè)人是“瘋狂鄰居”了,所以我們的辯護(hù)也更有力。我爸又投資了一套攝像頭,裝在了柵欄旁邊的棚子上。
哦對了,那個(gè)鄰居現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)死了(心臟病還是什么玩意人,我忘了我爸爸說的是什么了),并且他家的后院現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)變成一團(tuán)亂麻,讓人看了就惡心,因?yàn)樗墓褘D一點(diǎn)也不想管。
he took it upon himself to mow my lawn while I was at work (my mower broke and I couldn't get it fixed (needed to wait until next payday)
他在我上班的時(shí)候決定給我修剪我的草坪(我家的除草機(jī)壞了,得等到下次發(fā)薪水才能修)
碾了我家草坪上的一塊石頭,把他的除草機(jī)弄壞了,他讓我賠錢給他換刀片。
哥們我也沒讓你給我修草坪啊……
We used to live next to a woman that would have a disco party for her cats in her backyard at 2 am every few days. She would put up a disco ball and party lights with music playing. It was a little bit odd but what made it crazy was her dancing like a Native American performing a ritual around the disco ball. It’s honestly one of the strangest things I’ve ever witnessed!
我們以前的鄰居是個(gè)女的,她會(huì)每過幾天在凌晨兩點(diǎn)鐘在自己的后院里給她家的貓開迪斯科排隊(duì)。她會(huì)掛一個(gè)閃亮的燈球兒,各種各樣的派對燈光,然后放音樂。有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)怪,但最瘋狂的是她跳起舞來就像北美原住民繞著燈球跳大神一樣。這真的是我見過的最奇怪的事情之一!
原創(chuàng)翻譯:龍騰網(wǎng) http://nxnpts.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
Does she send out evites or something? How do I get on that list?
她發(fā)沒發(fā)過請柬什么的?我該怎么進(jìn)入她的名單?
Step 1: be cat
第一步:當(dāng)一只貓
I used to live next to "screaming guy". It was a cheap apartment and hearing through the walls didn't take a lot of effort. He would yell pretty regularly (at the phone? TV? something?) We could never figure out what it was.
我曾經(jīng)挨著一個(gè)“大喊大叫的人”住。他家是個(gè)很便宜的公寓,用不著費(fèi)什么心思就可以聽清楚墻對面發(fā)生了什么。他會(huì)經(jīng)常(沖著手機(jī)?電視?什么別的東西?)大喊,但我們從來都聽不出來他喊的是什么東西。
他永遠(yuǎn)是在白天大喊,但他喊的時(shí)候我們永遠(yuǎn)都找不到對應(yīng)時(shí)間播放的體育節(jié)目。
他在與我們當(dāng)面交流的時(shí)候永遠(yuǎn)都非常禮貌,并且談吐很溫婉。
編輯:并且他自己一個(gè)人住,據(jù)我們所知也沒養(yǎng)任何寵物(那個(gè)公寓不允許他們養(yǎng),我們也沒見到他養(yǎng)過)
編輯2:打游戲從人口分布上來說不太可能,因?yàn)樗?006-2008年(我們在那里住的時(shí)候)就已經(jīng)50多歲了。他有點(diǎn)算不進(jìn)去打游戲打到成年的那一代。但也不是不可能。